Marriage vs LiveIn: Bollywood,Sadguru and Seven Pheras

Marriages have been an important ritual of societies across the world. But times have changed. Is Marriage necessary today? What about Live-in? Indian Film Industry, Bollywood in recent times have been talking about Marriage vs Live-in in movies like OK Jannu, Befikre, commitment phobia in Dear Zindagi. This article talks about Changing faces of Marriage in India, Comparison between Marriage and Live-In socially, legally and economically. Bollywood and Marriage vs Live-In with the conversation of Aditya Roy Kapur and Shraddha Kapoor. Sadhguru views on Marriage vs Live-In and what are seven promises of Marriage.

Is Marriage necessary in India today?

Isn’t Marriage Old-Fashioned?  Since both the married and the unmarried would never confirm their 100% happiness or satisfaction with their status, this question remains unanswered!  One thing is clear It’s okay to be single instead of You are in the wrong relationship.

Marriages are not like fairy tales where the prince in the white horse will come and you will stay happily after.

It requires a lot of work from both partners.

Advantages of Marriage	Disadvantages of Marriage
Most human beings crave companionship. Life is enhanced when experiences can be shared with another person who	Many couples get stuck in a rut, repeating the same arguments over and over. The key differences in their personalities never go away. Petty problems, irritating habits, become magnified over time.
Marriage benefits society generally because it is associated with stable families. Stable families produce happier children and more stable society with less crime and other social problems.	Marriage means that couples have to deal with their partner’s family, which can be a source of problems and conflict. In old age, no one cares even your child too might be they stay in different countries.
Marriage is about sharing burdens and responsibilities and that can mean less stress, both in terms of practicalities and also with emotional problems	Marriage restricts the freedom of the individual.
Marriage promises a happy sex life. Partners can get to know and fulfil each others’ desires in a trusting long-term relationship. Monogamy also reduces health risks such as sexually transmitted diseases.	Fidelity is not a natural state for human beings, especially when they are young. Most married sex lives fade over time, which can lead to affairs and other forms of infidelity

Changing Hues of Marriages in India

The union of two persons that is formally recognized by law or society is known as marriage.  And Marriage is central to the Indian society. And in India marriages are moving from  Arranged Marriages to Love Marriages and now Live-In.

Arranged Marriages as understood in India are marital unions where the families (parents, guardians, even extended families) of the bride and groom decide on the match based on a number of socio-economic criteria. In India, historically, most marriages have been arranged marriages.  Marriages are socially accepted.

Love marriage is where one chooses one’s own partner. Inter caste marriages and inter-religious love marriages can still elicit strong reactions in Indian society. Honour killings are in vogue in many parts of the country.  Social and family ostracism adds on to the stress of marriage. Adding on to any possible differences in caste, religion, and family practices are the high expectations from love marriages.  In India rates of divorce in love marriages are much higher than in arranged marriages.

LiveIn: With the growth of education, disposable income, and women’s liberalisation, the youth of the country are going beyond love marriages and are now taking to live-in relationships without the stigma that these relationships brought a few years ago. Indian metro cities, like Delhi, Mumbai, and Bangalore, are seeing a boom in live-in relationships. are the cities where cohabitation is highest. Religious views aside, many people claim that living together can be justified because it’s convenient, makes it a great way to “test” a relationship before marriage, and allows you to really see how another person lives and handles situations on a daily basis.   You wouldn’t buy a car without a test drive, or as Jugs in Dear Zindagi says you would not buy a chair without trying many chairs, so why would you marry someone without living with them or even sleeping with them first?

Marriage vs LiveIn a Comparison

	Marriage	LiveIn relationship
Definition	The union of two persons that is formally recognized by law is known as marriage. It is a formal commitment between the couple.	Live in relationship refers to a kind of an arrangement where a couple decides to live together.
Another term	Matrimony or wedlock	Cohabitation
Holds legal rights	Yes	No
Moving apart	Divorce is generally painful as it often comes with false allegations and a lot of trauma is involved.	Generally, it is comparatively easy to leave as there is no such commitment. But there are heartbreaks!
Children	Mostly the children born from marriage are socially accepted and parents often find happiness to have them in their life	Children born out of a live in relationship may require some commitments and it depends upon the couple that how they  would manage the raising of children.
Compatibility	Sometimes people with no compatibility get married and find later that marriage was a wrong step.	Live in relationships occur to explore the compatibility and in case they find some issues regarding it, they simply step back or move out.
Involvement of families	Generally, marriages are also associated with the union of families rather than individuals. Even if there is not much involvement of families, but still the marriage is regarded as a serious affair by the parents.	Generally, families do not involve much with the couples as the concept of live-in relationship is more about exploring each other.
Financial Affairs	Generally, handle together	Generally handle separately
Requirements	It may be different form one state to the other. It generally includes minimum age, witnesses; a ceremony officiated by a clergyperson or an officer of the court.	No such formal requirements.
Freedom	Marriages come with responsibilities and one tends to be answerable to the other.	Generally, live in relationships are associated with the freedom, both tend to have their own space as no obligations or responsibilities are involved.

Bollywood and Marriage vs Live-In

In OK Jaanu, youngsters, Adi and Tara are attracted to each other when they meet at a wedding. Since they do not believe in marriage, they decide to live together. Upon seeing the love and patience of their house owner Ganapathy has for his wife, Bhavani, an Alzheimer’s patient, who one day even forgets the way to her own house, they begin to understand the importance of each other’s presence in their life.  Ranveer Singh and Vaani Kapoor’s in Befikre explored ‘figure out kar lenge’  (with frightening results). Below is the excerpt of conversation of Times of India with Aditya Roy Kapur and Shraddha Kapoor.

How much do you relate with the core idea of OK Jaanu?

Times have changed. There’s a lot of commitment phobia. I also probably feel that way. I am capable of it too. It’s a prevalent dilemma. Our parents were quicker when it came to deciding on that one person they’d spend their life with. People now take longer to get that far in a relationship. Nowadays, we put ourselves before everything else.

Aditya: That’s what makes our film relevant.Live-in relationships are on the rise and that is why writers are dwelling on the subject. I have so many friends in live-in relationships. People are holding their cards closer to their chest.They think aspirations might get interrupted because their relationships might get into the way. So, they are guarded about how much to give to a relationship at one time. We agreed to do the film because it dwelled on the subject without being preachy.

But most parents don’t subscribe to the idea of live-in relationships…

Aditya: True. There aren’t many parents who’d let their kids do that. I don’t know the pitfalls and the pluses because I haven’t been in a live-in myself. But I have seen my friends. In some cases, it has quickened the process of ending a relationship. When you live in, you supposedly do everything that you’re meant to do in that set-up.

That doesn’t make it any less or more sinful. For some of my friends, a live in has only given them more clarity, and they’ve stayed in that relationship for years. Marriage is a man-made concept and everyone doesn’t have to subscribe to it. I believe in it, but it might not work for everyone.

Shraddha: A friend’s mother told her to live in with her boyfriend before rushing into a marriage. So some parents can be liberal too.

Sadhguru and Marriage vs Live-In

Sadhguru answers a question on whether a live-in relationship or cohabitation is better than marriage, and looks at how each individual can choose consciously. Live-in Relationship vs Marriage – Choosing Consciously

Let’s look at the very fundamentals of what marriage is. Why has marriage come up in society? After all, why is it that you want to be with the opposite sex? It is just nature’s trick so that you can reproduce. Nature wants you to reproduce, so it is playing a chemical game with you to get you attracted to the opposite.

A man is opposite to a woman only on the physiological level. In no other way are they opposite. But we have made such a big issue of it. It is a simple difference nature has made for the perpetuation of the race but because this need is there within you, and because you have a few more sensibilities and stronger emotions compared to an animal, we institutionalized our sexuality. That is what marriage is. And because we have to nurture our children and bring them up, unless there is a committed atmosphere, it is not going to happen properly. So we created this institution of marriage so that your sexuality and caring for progeny is also handled, and children grow up in more stable atmospheres.

A certain part of the population is trying to demolish the institution of marriage because of how marriage has been misused. The so-called rebellious ones think marriage is bondage, so they don’t want marriage. They want free relationships or cohabitation or whatever.

I would say that demolishing the institution of marriage would be foolish right now because you still don’t have a good substitute for it. It is something we created for our convenience, but still you don’t have an alternative better than that. With the alternatives that have been created, there is so much struggle in people. People thought they could be with anybody, but they struggle, they fight, they have their jealousies and all sorts of problems. Isn’t that the reality of the world? Seeing all this, the institution of marriage was created.

With marriage, there was some sense of commitment. That commitment pulled you back if you went off the way. It put you back on track a little bit. Uncommitted relationships can cause an enormous amount of insecurity in people. This is what has happened in the West.

Human beings have so many complex emotions. If you just leave it to run riot, most people will become insane. There are a few who are free from this but 99% of the population is capable of going insane if their emotions are not somehow organized and channelized. The institution of marriage was created to handle all this.

So, whether a live-in relationship or cohabitation or whatever is suitable or not is an individual thing. There is no common prescription. But from what I see, most human beings don’t have the stability of mind to handle constant uncertainty; they will go mad, which is what is happening in the West. Too many people are going insane simply because they are not able to handle the uncertainty of life. Your economic situations, your social situations, even your physical situations are uncertain. But if at least in your emotional situations there is some stability, it gives you a base to live your life more effectively. If you do not need it, it is up to you. It is individual but most people need it.

Saat Pheras

Hinduism treats marriage as a holy union of two souls blessed by divinity and humanity. It is one of the sixteen most essential religious rites and duties to be performed to make the human life fully meaningful. The seven vows, known as Saptadi, are performed along with Mangalpheras, which is revolving around the sacred fire. Any marriage is incomplete without these vows. On the day of the wedding the bride and the groom sit under the Mandap for this ritual. The bride is seated towards the left of the groom before the pheras, while towards the right after they are complete. These seven vows are the seven promises which the bride and the groom do to each other for a happy and prosperous life. They are bound together by an unseen bond protected by these promising words.

Seven pheras

• 1st Phera
  • Groom: Om esha ekapadi bhava iti prathaman Here, the couple appeals to the supreme to bestow all the happiness and blessings in terms of healthy food and purity of thoughts in all the times, ahead of them. Groom commits to his bride; I will always embrace you with happiness and welfare of children.
  • Bride: Dhanam dhaman pade vadet My lord, I will humbly obey you, and I will take care of all the finance, food, family and household responsibilities.
• 2nd Phera
  • Groom “Om oorje jara dastayaha” Now, when we have taken our second step, fill my soul with courage and strength, so that, we can walk together and protect our children, family and household.
  • Bride  “Kutumburn rakshayishyammi sa aravindharam” You are my lord, and it’s my duty to walk with you till eternity. I will fill you with strength and courage. I will serve you and will nurture our children and family. In return, you will love no other than your wife.
• 3rd Phera
  • Groom: Om rayas santu joradastayaha. Now, we have completed the third step together. We will stay spiritually committed and my beloved; your presence will grow the prosperity and wealth in my world. I promise to consider all other women as my sisters. I assure you that we would be together and teach the moral values to our children.
  • Bride: Tava bhakti as vadedvachacha You are my lord; I promise to love you and devote my life to you. I promise to consider all other men to be my brothers. I will always be a chaste wife and will pursue the virtue of love in true sense.
• 4th Phera
  • Groom “Om mayo bhavyas jardastaya ha” My beloved, we have now finished the fourth step together. I urge you to bring contentment, sacredness and auspiciousness in my life. We will respect our elders, and may we have dignified and obedient children.
  • Bride “Lalayami cha pade vadet” I take a pledge to satisfy you and serve you in all conditions. I will give respect to elders and children of the family.
• 5th Phera
  • Groom “Om prajabhyaha santu jaradastayaha” Now, when we have completed the fifth step together, I urge you to bless me and gift my life with your presence. Today, I pray for your loved ones (family and friends) and desire to share our prosperity with each other.
  • Bride “Arte arba sapade vadet” I promise to be with you every moment of life. I will not only share your joy, but also the grief in life. I will not only love you, but also honour you by fulfilling your wishes.
• 6th Phera
  • Groom My heart is full of bliss and pleasure as we have completed our six steps. I wish you to glut my life with success, peace, joy and prosperity.
  • Bride “Yajne home shashthe vacho vadet” I promise to stand by you at all material prosperity, honourable acts, enjoyment and sorrow or unhappiness. I will participate in all divine and noble acts of life with you.
• 7th phera
  • Groom “Om sakhi jaradastayahga” My beloved, now when we have completed this scared ceremony, and completed the last seventh step, we have received the spiritual blessings by the almighty, and I pray for the prosperity of our relationship to be with each other, not only in this life, but also in coming lives. I pray for our friendship and love grow in coming times and I present myself to you.
  • Bride “Attramshe sakshino vadet pade” As per the sacredness of the divine scriptures and commandments of God, I announce myself your beloved wife. I assure you to fulfil all the promises we have made today. I will be faithful towards you and will love you eternally.

I am married and I feel with all the responsibilities, joys, tears it brings, it is good. Marriages are not like fairy tales where the prince in white horse will come and you will stay happily after. It requires a lot of work from both. I want my children to be happily married.