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“I am leaving Raj. He is against the idea of my quitting the job after child” said Kuvira. “What?  Kuvira,  I don’t think I heard you correctly?” I was deeply engrossed in my work, had just come out of meeting and had loads of work to finish to meet the deadline. “No you heard it right I am leaving Raj. He doesn’t love me anymore”. “Don’t take any rash decision meet me in half an hour in our regular haunt. Can you do it? I asked. Kurvira said, “Yes I can but nothing is going to change my mind”
Break up
(Image courstey: mylot)
After half an hour I reached KFC joint and saw Kuvira sitting at our regular table  “What happened?” I asked. “Raj doesn’t love me anymore.” she said.  “Difficult to believe that! He loves you and he is so excited about the baby.” Kuvira was due to give birth in few months. Kuvira and Raj were both software engineer and had met in the office. Though they were of different caste their families had no objection. They were a great couple, enjoying life, partying, celebrating birthdays, anniversaries. Last week only we had met to celebrate their third marriage anniversary. Then Raj had gifted Kuvira a car and both had plans of buying the house which would be ready in an year. Both were excited about the baby and all seemed just like a fairy tale.“Yesterday evening after work I said to him. I want to be with my child for for the first step, the first word, the first…. I don’t want a maid/day care/inlaws to raise my child so I would quit my job after child.  He just looked at me and walked to the bathroom. When I knocked..”, I raised my eyebrow, “okay okay banged the door he shouted that they cannot afford the house EMI, child cost on a single income.  So my quitting the job is not an option. I felt so bad.What’s the point of having a kid, if your not going to be the one to raise it? I started crying..and just didn’t speak to him any more. Aren’t men supposed to take care of earning for the family ? Then I wondered whether he married me because I was working! Maybe that was why he was not keen for me to have a child earlier?”.  “Hey Hey..stop the thought..I remember you telling me that you don’t want a child for first two-three years of your married life as you want to be free and enjoy life and also climb corporate ladder” Yes..you are right, last year I was bugged with both my parents and in-laws hinting about giving them a grandchild. They never said anything to him!” “But can you be a Stay at Home Mom (SAHM)?”, I asked. “Why are you saying that?” asked Kuvira.

“27X7 hours job with no break, no pay, and no thanks. Can you do it? Cooking, Cleaning  and  keeping  house  is  an  endless  and thankless  job. You imagine dancing through graden with your children, scrapbooking every precious milestone and building their IQ to genius level through activities recommended by the books written by childhood development PhDs. The reality is that stay-at-home mother can have as much stress as working parents, if not more, depending on the age, temperament of kid. Also Housewives or Homemakers are taken for granted you have all day to do it… You don’t work? Must be nice, you can watch soaps all day… Aren’t you bored staying home all day? You should volunteer somewhere… You’re busy? Doing what? You’ve got all day… etc.” Staying home is not for everyone. It’s just that some individuals do not cope really well with staying  at  home  all  day. They need the stimulation and distraction that  work  brings,  otherwise  the  frustration  gets  the  better of  them.  Can you surrender you career, job, individuality and then not blame your kid/husband/family? Unhappy mother will not make a happy child.” “So what I will take a break and join later?I am from a reputed college, have done excellent in my career till now. My company will be easily have me back? she replied.

“It may or may not. Your skills might be considered out of date. You know how one has to keep learning in this field. And then it also depends on whether we have a recession or not. Remember 2009 when the company had hiring freeze. I agree, Yes things have changed over the last few years, with offices becoming much more mum-friendly allowing working from home and all. But it still has long way to go and the demands as you climb the ladder increase not to mention at-times travel. You may feel torn between the job and home life. After a hard long day at work (not to mention commute) won’t you be tired and irritable?

And after the break you might not be able to start back with the top wages in your field, people who were with you or behind you would have gone ahead you might end up reporting to a junior?” Kuvira was silent for a minute and then said “But we live in India and have privilege of maids? I will hire maid, cook, driver to take care of my family?”

“A friend of mine did the calculations, total breakdown.  She was working in administration department. What she realized was after hiring all these people (and assuming they come regularly, on time) she was not saving much in financial terms, not to mention the stress added. She decided against it”

“I didn’t think about that at all.” replied Kuvira. We ordered the burger and krushers and then I asked “Though you might argue that money isn’t everything but it is necessary to raise a family. Do you know the cost of raising a child – the pre pregnancy tests, doctor visits, medicines, delivery would end up costing around a lakh in a place like Bangalore. Then there are diapers cost, namakaran cost etc. The pre-primary schools that you see at every corner itself costs around 30-40 thousand a year. A survey found that it costs approximately 94,000 per annum for a child during his school years. An engineering degree costs 5 lakh  And then there is the new house you wanted to booked.”  “What about that?” asked Kuvira
(To know about various costs in raising child from childbirth you can check out Intelligent Investor article of 1998 From Cradle to Convocation. Though the cost are now more than earlier but the categories haven’t and one gets a fair idea. And  Rising Education costs covers the survey conducted by ASSOCHAM which said that school education in 2011 costs Rs. 94,000/- annually for single child)

“You want a nice penthouse in a plush apartment. How much you fought with Raj when he suggested that you should go for a small 2bhk or 3 bhk house in the same apartment? Bigger the house, bigger the EMI. With both of you working, that EMI was affordable but if you leave the job then then all this burden will come on Raj. “ “Oh My God! What should I do now? I told Raj that I am leaving him and he said he doesn’t care” said Kuvira

“That’s another point , you just blurted out your thought when Raj came back from office. He had a tough day at office, was asked to trim his team. Had given a pink slip to his junior. He was feeling so bad..you just didn’t see his mood , didn’t consider his feeling. Will he care for such a wife?”

“What should I do, I have broken my home with my own hands.” Kuvira kept the head on table in despair. “A simple sorry would Do”, the voice said. “That’s Raj voice. She looked up and saw Raj standing there with flowers, yellow roses, her favorite flowers. She got up and went straight into his arms, with tears rolling down her cheeks. “ I am Sorry. Really Sorry. I have been so bad..” Butt how did you know I was here?” “I called him” I said “ I spoke to him after your phone call and got to know the details. “ Kuvira laughed “Whose side are you on?- Mine or His?” “Ours” said Raj and they looked at each other. I slipped off, leaving those love birds alone.
Quote

(Image courstey: lovequote)
What happened afterwards- well they had a beautiful daughter. Kuvira parents and inlaws volunteered to take care of child in turns. Her inlaws also got her a good maid from their home tome. After a year Kuvira took break from work for two years spending time with her little one. She went back to job after her daughter started school. They moved to a new 3 BHK house.  Kuvira, Raj and myself meet every-year on the day Kuvira called to celebrate their being together and my hand in it.

“Raj doesn’t walk the second child! What should I do?”, said Kuvira,”Meet at the regular place and we’ll talk”.

Note:This entry is for Indiblogger KFC contest :Sets You On Fire! Describe a fiery event or situation, either real or imaginary.

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